Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
