chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
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I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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