i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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