I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
