Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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