He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
