he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
