Tell her she can't have a vagina
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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