Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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