The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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