I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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