Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
