I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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