also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
