So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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