Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
