I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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