All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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