I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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