Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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