Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
