You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
