just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
