Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
