so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
