My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
