well most of my day revolves around power hour
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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