worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
