I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
