Christians are straight up FREAKS
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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