I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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