How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
