You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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