I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to make out with him forever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
