i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
