she smelled like a LAN party
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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