i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
