I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
