I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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