my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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