38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
