Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize