I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
