I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
