school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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