so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
two words...techno handjob
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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