She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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