ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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