Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
