mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
