Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
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Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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