I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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