I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
