That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
