Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
