I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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