So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
