All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.