why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
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I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
