Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial

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(908): i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial http://tfl.nu/oypl

Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (615)
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(510): View more from California

I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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(510): I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach. http://tfl.nu/edrh

Replies (13) Good night (1561) Bad night (4449)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I can't believe he cheated

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how

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(860): I can't believe he cheated (1-860): Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how http://tfl.nu/8j5c

Replies (37) Good night (1031) Bad night (3100)
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(512): View more from Texas

So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married

(214): View more from Texas

What? They have three kids?

(512): View more from Texas

Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me

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(512): So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married (214): What? They have three kids? (512): Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me http://tfl.nu/93bk

Replies (20) Good night (943) Bad night (6136)
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(252): View more from North Carolina

Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?

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(252): Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome? http://tfl.nu/vqed

Replies (56) Good night (2112) Bad night (9738)
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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.

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(336): I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm. http://tfl.nu/32ib

Replies (5) Good night (961) Bad night (5232)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.

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(630): Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night. http://tfl.nu/wu2q

Replies (20) Good night (1261) Bad night (5547)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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(918): It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin. http://tfl.nu/vso7

Replies (13) Good night (3702) Bad night (1016)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.

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(715): Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way. http://tfl.nu/o1v6

Replies (3) Good night (2542) Bad night (1469)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you

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(215): i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you http://tfl.nu/4yxe

Replies (35) Good night (9386) Bad night (1873)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?

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(401): Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...? http://tfl.nu/zp7y

Replies (3) Good night (2362) Bad night (785)
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(909): View more from California

I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..

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(909): I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise.. http://tfl.nu/c4kh

Replies (12) Good night (2253) Bad night (1082)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.

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(401): I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE. http://tfl.nu/jvh7

Replies (8) Good night (629) Bad night (1670)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.

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(601): You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs. http://tfl.nu/oyg1

Replies (3) Good night (289) Bad night (643)
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(310): View more from California

He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning

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(310): He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning http://tfl.nu/j6rj

Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (538)

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