we have pet lesbian snakes
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
