You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
