Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
