she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My hand turned me down
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
