I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
