HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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