At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize