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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
