Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
