Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
