Betty ford says i'm here all night
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
