Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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