Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
