Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
