I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
