I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
