you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize