i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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