You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
